Friday, January 23, 2015

Embrace Unseen Change

Today is one of those days, where I'm not quite sure where to begin.

I have so many things swirling around in my heart and mind, I feel like a kid in a candy store, unable to focus long enough to make my prized selections.

I suppose with no other formality in place, I'll just invite you right into the chaos with me!

This Blog.

If you have been following this humble little blog (thank you, by the way) you may have picked up on my excitement to spruce this place up a bit. My little "baby" is growing up and its time to let the growing pains have their way. With that said, I am in the "Your growing, you feel it, but no one else can see the growth yet, stage."  This is ONE of the areas in my life today that feels unmoving, mostly because I have "nothing to show" for the work being done. But rest assured (talking to myself here) there WILL be something to show for, in time.

1/2 Marathon Training.

This is a new one for me. Yes, I have done 1/2 marathons before, so why new? For you Michiganders out there, take a quick look outside. Snow. I am going to run my first Springtime 1/2 marathon. Might not seem too outrageous of a goal, but that means a good chunk of my training will take place  either in weather that isn't ideal for running (At least in my opinion) or on a treadmill. Again, my training is just starting out, no progress yet, no long runs under my belt in the cold. The determination is there, but this is the toughest part for me. The start. No goals crushed yet. NO visible accomplishments.

House Projects.

We have been busy at work over here in our little white house. You may have seen some of the progress in my "Before and After" posts, but that silly old guest bedroom is yet to be completely finished. Trust me, I am JUST as anxious as you are to see the final product, but sometimes life happens and color mess ups happen and (here I go again) change is a process. Yet another area in my life that feels S.L.O.W. M.O.V.I.N.G.

 Honestly, I sit here a tad bit emotional soaking in where the LORD has me in this season. He is moving in me something fierce and I am striving to embrace it with elegance, really I am, but sometimes it just isn't that way. Sometimes I just want results NOW. 

Have you ever had times like this?

Somedays I feel crazy on the inside. Knowing that the Lord is growing me, stretching me, ridding me, but not seeing any headway. Once again, yet another part of me that is struggling through change. The change of a growing heart. 

This is where I am.

It is in these times, when I don't see or feel the physical evidences of sanctification. When my faith is "being worked out" it is now that the pulling of this world feels raw and heavily weighted. Yet, (PRAISE the LORD) I have HOPE. The hope of knowing that the struggle means that work is happening. I have been learning that STRUGGLE isn't a bad thing, rather it is just the opposite. If I weren't struggling, it would mean there is no resistance. 

No resistance to my sin.

No change taking place. 

I recently began studying the Gospel of John through a study guide from shereadstruth. (Seriously if you are looking for something that is scripture centered and beautiful go take a peek at their site, you won't be sorry!)

I have been diving into the text, ravenously everyday. Sadly it has been too long since I have been this motivated to be soaking up scripture, chapters at a time. I have been praying that I would have a thirst, an unquenchable thirst to be in the Word. Slowly, by God's grace I am beginning to thirst in greater ways. Ways so much greater than mine.

As I continue to push forward, believing that the change is happening, knowing that the burdens I  am feeling today, will be used to strengthen me for tomorrow. I will continue to dig deep in the Truth and embrace this training season. I believe that if I am willing the Lord will indeed use me for His glory.

It is on days like today, when I need to verbally remind myself that things can seem unchanging from one day to the next, but the small victories aren't insignificant, rather they are the building blocks that provide space for even greater growth.

I sure hope the whirling of my thoughts hasn't overtaken you. Today has been just "one of those days" my friends. A day to write it all out. To sort through the chaos inside. A day to learn that "embrace"can actually mean "letting go".

So here I am LORD, resisting the temptation to let sin overtake me.
     Here I am confessing my need for MORE of YOU but oh so much less of me!
     Here I am, thanking YOU for working in me, even when I don't "feel" it.
     Here I am, striving to not strive at all, but Let YOU guide my ways.
Here I am LORD, take my life and let it be ALL for YOU and for YOUR GLORY!

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