Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Broken. Blessed. Believing.

One of the things that I absolutely Love, and look forward to, as a Michigander is the changing seasons. There is just something about knowing that a new season will come (sometimes slower than expected) that lifts my spirits and gives me the gumption to push through the winter blahs.

As I wake up each morning and peek at our brand new sprouting greens around our yard; I am in awe of this new season. A season of life, growth and God's faithfulness. It blows my mind often times, how God correlates the natural seasons of earth, with my spiritual seasons of my walk with Him.

This past year, has been less than ordinary and FULL of changes, and new beginnings. God has been faithful and sovereign (as He always is) but me, yes I am a different story! As the stress of planning a wedding, buying a house, and packing up my entire life's belongings, was piled up higher than (what felt like) the tallest mountain; there I was, trying to convince myself that I could takle it ALL on my own.

As I attempted to wade through the trenches  of chaos, I began to build up "protective" shields, or so I thought. Somewhere in between saying "yes" and "I Do" I did the most dangerous thing a person can do, I declared in my heart (NEVER aloud....of course not, because I was ABLE! right??....WRONG!) that I was enough to survive this season alone. And survive I did. Sadly enough, I thought I was doing good, surviving was all I could do and I began to accept that fact. The only problem was, that I couldn't have been further from the truth. The life breathing, More than enough, God empowered TRUTH!

As I went into survival mode, and the construction of my protective shield progressed, the relationships in my life began to decay. I was constantly being distracted, ok, more like CONSUMED with my "pile" that I had no energy or desire to strengthen or even maintain many of my personal relationships with friends, family, and worst of all my Savior! As I sit here thinking back over this time, it literally makes me sick to my stomach knowing how hardened my heart was to the truth. This was a time that I should have been THRIVING, not just barely surviving.

It has taken me nearly a year, to make it out of that selfish season. Honestly the only reason I made it out is because of Christ. ONLY because of Christ. He was the one who walked by my side, offering his rescuing hand time and time again. He was the one who chose to bring me through it. By His grace ALONE I finally (praise the LORD) grabbed onto his selfless, outstretched hand and made it to a new season.

Growth. Here I am, sinful and humbled facing this new season of spring ready to make like the plants in my yard and grow! I sit here declaring to the world that I am NOT in fact able to do anything for God's glory on my own. I can sin all day long in my own strength and whither away; or I can offer up my broken, still-VERY-sinful heart to my gracious Savior and bloom into his New creation.

Here I am LORD, leaving the blizzards of winter and tornados of fall behind, sprinting into your arms and waiting for you to make me beautiful like the flowers of Spring. Truly anything that holds beauty in my life is ALL because of YOU! I know that the showers and thunderstorms of Spring are on their way, but Lord I choose to rest and find comfort in you; your strength and shelter is reality, not this destructive shield I used to believe in. I cling to you Lord, because I know that you will not allow the storms to ruin me, but to strengthen and grow me.

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the Joy of what thou art,
I  am finding out the greatness
Of thy loving heart!
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.


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