Saturday, February 4, 2012

Embracing the Chaos

Ahh....A brand new clean slate! The starkness is almost overwhelming, but then again extremely refreshing!
I have been dreaming of beginning my own blog for quite some time now, but I never really knew where to begin. I suppose I still have those "new kid on the block" jitters. But if I don't start now, I am afraid I never will.
Recently my life has felt a bit like.... chaos. Which is hard for this overly-organized chic to admit!

Let me explain...

Just a little over a month ago, the love of my life got down on one knee and asked me to spend forever with him. (still gives me goosebumps!) These really and truly are such happy times! But even before the engagement, I started to feel.... well...sort of like a.... nomad. Yes, I said it, a NOMAD! (def.: any wanderer; itinerant.)

With wedding plans and ideas spinning in my head like a treadmill on speed 10 running 24/7, constantly dashing in and out of my parents house going from one thing to the next, trying to nurture and grow my relationship with my Lord, my fiancé and my family; life has quickly become extremely chaotic, many times leaving me feeling scatter-brained, worn out and weary.

I don't know if I am the only one on this planet who has felt this way before, but I just don't feel like I "belong" anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family and parents who have loved and continue to love me why do I feel SO ready to move on and create my very own space to call my own??? (When I say it out loud, it sounds rather selfish....ok, VERY selfish!)

I have the type of personality which SCREAMS for order. If things start to pile up, I have the urgency to tear them down and clean up shop ASAP or even sooner! You get my point, clutter and chaos simply aren't in my vocabulary, or at least that is what I tell myself. That right there, the "telling myself" is where I get into trouble. 

Instead of listening to my own unfiltered thoughts, I need to preach to myself the truths of scripture, meditate on them, and change more course of action....easier said than done! So, as my life is changing and my small little room begins to close in on me, I need to take a deep breath, praise the Lord for the things I have and the family he has blessed me with, and decide to "embrace the chaos." For this too shall pass.

I don't want to look back on this time, the ONLY time in my life when I will be engaged, and shutter at how miserable I made myself by wishing everyday away. One thing I know from past experience is that joy, is not based on circumstance but on how you react towards your circumstances (James 1:2).

Taking a deep breath, keeping the WORD close to my heart, and ready to begin a new day!

1 comment:

  1. oh sweet Lindsey,
    I love this post and your honesty! I know you are not the only one who has felt like that! Just breathe and enjoy this special time. The anticipation of a new journey can make you very wrestless with your current one. Just remember there is a time for everything (Ecc 3)and you are right where God wants you right now. Love you!!! xoxo Alysia